Live for yourself

“The more people fear humiliation, the more they care about what others think. The more you care about what others think, the more you ignore your feelings. The more you ignore your feelings, the more you try to show them to others like puppets. Finally, step by step, the true self is imprisoned in deep darkness. Losing ourselves is not only the source of happiness and happiness that we can not find, but also the source of all psychological problems. This passage is what I saw in the book “Living is not for others to see”. When reading this book, this passage in this book is deeply engraved in my mind, lingering. I think this passage really tells us the true meaning of life and the feeling of life. At the same time, it really struck a chord with me.
I remember that it was an afternoon just beginning school. I came to school early. My grades are not so outstanding, very ordinary, or even a little bad. At that time, I was more introverted and convergent. I don’t like to contact my classmates very much, and I don’t even talk to them very much. I felt like an island at that time, without any friends, because I had just integrated into the collective and had a very strange and cowardly feeling. I want to be able to integrate into the collective well, but I always miss opportunities again and again because of my timidity and various excuses. A few days after the beginning of the school, the head teacher said that the students in the class were almost familiar with each other and were ready to start running for office. Although I am a little timid, but I very much hope that through the election class to temper their courage, but also hope that through the duties of class cadres and classmates in peacetime contact, so I took the lead in summoning up the courage to raise my hand. I succeeded. I succeeded in becoming a Disciplinary Commissioner.
When I became a disciplinary commissioner, I was very happy. I immediately put myself in the right position and told myself that I could not live up to the ardent hopes of my teachers and classmates. However, contrary to my wishes, everything is not as perfect as I imagined, and the tasks and responsibilities of the class are not so easy to accomplish. The class quickly spread a remark that wasn’t so good for me. Some people said that my new officer took office three fires, usually seems silent, did not think that the governor put on a posture. All the unfavorable remarks were overwhelming, and all kinds of attacks pressed me out of breath. I feel bad, but it’s hard to be indifferent. I began to wonder if I was doing too much, if I was too strict, and I began to control my thoughts, and I became suspicious of myself. My mood dropped sharply, and the joy of being a disciplinary Commissioner at the outset vanished. Gradually, I began to neglect the discipline of managing the class. I wanted to relax a little. I felt that there would be no other bad comments to attack me. Slowly, I heard that others began to be dissatisfied. Some people said that discipline in the class was not good at all. I really did not know that such a disciplinary committee was to be used for decoration. I shouldn’t have chosen me as a disciplinary committee in the first place. Others said that I could not hold on for three days, and it was not long before I became a disciplinary commissioner that I began to neglect management. Speech hasn’t diminished that much. The aggressiveness of speech has not been reduced, I do not know how to do, I put all the dissatisfaction, all contradictions and worries on my face, I became not like the happy me. I don’t understand why there are always such and such words to deliberately hurt people.
For a long time since then, I can’t let go until my father saw me go home all day depressed, his face was full of unhappiness and helplessness. My father asked me what had happened, and I told him exactly what had happened. He told me that if our mouths grow on other people, we can’t control their thoughts or prevent them from doing so. All we can do is to adjust our mindset, balance our mindset, and try not to care about other people’s thoughts deliberately. A thousand people in the world have a thousand ideas. If you care about and refute every one’s ideas, you will never stop. My father’s words were like an alarm bell, which woke me up. I suddenly realized that I should take other people’s words lightly, be good to myself and know more about my inner thoughts. From childhood to adulthood, I was very concerned about other people’s eyes, afraid of some bad comments from others. You thought that you would not be criticized if you only made yourself good enough, but you found that it was just in vain. Others’opinions will not diminish at all, but will become more and more intense. In fact, you also know in your heart, you know that everyone will be misunderstood and criticized in this way or that. All you have to do is to be yourself, that’s all. The rest is not that important. Don’t doubt whether the world is so full of malice, be at ease, don’t think too much, don’t doubt too much, just live for yourself.
As Sanmao said, “Give yourself time, don’t worry, step by step, day by day, believe that the resilience of life is amazing, cooperate with your upward heart, don’t give up your love for yourself.” Give yourself a little time to calm down, to look down on other people’s dissatisfaction with themselves, to their own meanness. When there is no way, please tell yourself, look at yourself more, see your heart, listen to its voice, it deserves to be loved, you have to balance your mind, take good care of it. I know it’s very difficult to look down on the process slowly. I know it’s very difficult for you not to care about other people’s words. But please, slowly learn to calm down, slowly learn to control your emotions, slowly change, slowly become mature. After all, we are not living for others to see. What about other people snickering and other people can’t get used to it, as long as you are sure that you have done a good job of your own, you can live a good life. There is no need to compromise others for this reason, and no need to be the same as others. Please keep your innocence, grow up conscientiously, study conscientiously and return your life to yourself conscientiously, instead of bringing others into your own world and treating yourself unfairly.

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